I just had an ah-ha! moment. I was speaking with a Montessori guru earlier today and through the discussion I realized why I was stalling with the cleaning & organizing!
You see I have gotten down to those last final things we don’t need but I haven’t been able to get rid of them. Oh, I’ve moved them around, boxed them up to go to Jason or Goodwill, then un-boxed them & binned them up for storage, then got them out ’cause maybe they need to be out…. It’s simply a mess over here. I’m simply moving the same things around over & over!
But, while “talking” to her I realized that I’m keeping these extra things as a way to have family or strangers feel more comfortable & accepting of our beliefs concerning raising our children. I’ve gotten rid of the crib (that was never used & wasn’t even set up when Sunshine was born.) and all those that are so obviously opposite of how we want to raise our kids but I’ve held onto little things that any mainstream magazine says you have to have to be a good parent…or that my inlaws have gave us for the kids…like shoes…My Mother in Law will buy shoes on clearance for Sunshine but they’re thick hard soles and despite watching Sunshine put these shoes on, walk a bit in them, sit down and literally chuck them over her shoulder (I so enjoyed watching that & MIL’s face turn from glee to outright aggravation….it may make me petty but I only wish I had a camera so I could revisit my psycho joy from time to time.).
So…I realized that these “safety nets” are in reality traps. They have kept me and my family tethered like a dog on a chain…only able to reach so far but always having to stay within that little circle of space that the chain says I can have.
So, now that I’ve realized my net is really a tether that holds me firmly within its grip I’m undoing the ties. I’m ready to realize all the freedom I’ve been denying myself and in effect my children. You see…that’s what is amazing about us or people. Traps of our own making are so easy to remove. After all, we’re the ones that set them…